CD 11

I'm done with clomid for this cycle and have moved on to testing with ovulation predictor kits. I've called the nurse at my clinic with pre-IUI questions and let my boss know I may be out one day next week. My husband has done the same (so much harder for him, but he worked it out). So now we wait. We're supposed to have sex, but to abstain two days before the insemination, but how do I know when that will be? My ovulation is not predictable to the day. We're going to have to do some guessing and hope we get lucky.

It's all on my mind, but very much on the periphery, which is kind of weird. I've given myself so much more to focus on in the last month, between my two part-time jobs, class, friends... that I haven't had much left over for dwelling on this cycle. Which is so, so great. I really don't need or want the anxiety. Of course, after the insemination, it might be more difficult to ignore.

Anyway. That's where we are. Last time, I ovulated on CD 15. I don't think that necessarily means that I'll do so again, but I'll be damned if I'm going to google that. Not right now, anyway.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It has been a really long time since I've posted. In the past month, we've moved, had houseguests, started new jobs. I'm taking a twice weekly Spanish class. And we've met our new RE and discussed our next steps.

I also had the much needed alcoholism talk with my mother. (Oh man, was that hard. More on it later, I'm not really done processing it yet. Although, I no longer feel like I want to simultaneously cry and throw up when I think about it, so I suppose that's progress.)

I've been busy, is what I'm saying.

Now that the dust is settling, I'm loving our new house while missing our old neighborhood terribly. My anecdote to that is to throw myself into making this house ours. We've painted three rooms, wallpapered, and planted a vegetable garden. We've cooked for guests and invited more. I want flowers for the porch. And maybe a swing. Yes, I believe a swing is in our future.

So things are going well and I'm adjusting to my new life. My rest cycle is coming to an end and I'll be diving once again into clomid, this time adding an IUI. And we'll see. One thing is for sure, and that is that this rest cycle was exactly what I needed. Other than reading fertility blogs, I haven't obsessed in the slightest. But now, maybe because we're so close to trying again, I'm feeling that heart-heavy longing, the first needling worries. I'm holding back on the optimism, as if that were any protection from disappointment. But of course it will come, this optimism, like it always does because I can't help it.

I'm a long way from hopeless, which is a very good thing.