Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It has been a really long time since I've posted. In the past month, we've moved, had houseguests, started new jobs. I'm taking a twice weekly Spanish class. And we've met our new RE and discussed our next steps.

I also had the much needed alcoholism talk with my mother. (Oh man, was that hard. More on it later, I'm not really done processing it yet. Although, I no longer feel like I want to simultaneously cry and throw up when I think about it, so I suppose that's progress.)

I've been busy, is what I'm saying.

Now that the dust is settling, I'm loving our new house while missing our old neighborhood terribly. My anecdote to that is to throw myself into making this house ours. We've painted three rooms, wallpapered, and planted a vegetable garden. We've cooked for guests and invited more. I want flowers for the porch. And maybe a swing. Yes, I believe a swing is in our future.

So things are going well and I'm adjusting to my new life. My rest cycle is coming to an end and I'll be diving once again into clomid, this time adding an IUI. And we'll see. One thing is for sure, and that is that this rest cycle was exactly what I needed. Other than reading fertility blogs, I haven't obsessed in the slightest. But now, maybe because we're so close to trying again, I'm feeling that heart-heavy longing, the first needling worries. I'm holding back on the optimism, as if that were any protection from disappointment. But of course it will come, this optimism, like it always does because I can't help it.

I'm a long way from hopeless, which is a very good thing.