Updates

I feel slightly manic-don't know if it's the Clomid that is swirling around in me or the big changes that are coming-but I'm having a hard time focusing. Or I was, until I decided this no coffee thing I've been trying is for suckers and I need just a little, and only today. And I feel a million times better than I did this morning, so it was worth it.

I finished Clomid yesterday. Honestly? It wasn't too bad this time. I'm really surprised because on half this dose, I was a complete raging mess. I don't know what happened, except that maybe every cycle is different and there's no way to really predict. And I took it at night, so maybe that softened the day-time effects. Whatever the reason, I'm glad glad glad.

I'm approaching this cycle very casually. I'm having to remind myself of what day it is (day 8) and when I need to do what. Usually it's all I think about. But there's so much else going on, I can't dwell. And also? I think I'm Fertility Fatigued and my brain is giving me a break. On this topic, at least. Topics that it's been in overdrive about include:

1. Moving in 5 weeks. Have not done a thing, except find a house. Admittedly, that's a big thing. But something inside of me thinks we're done now. But guess what, Something? We're not.
2. Researching grad school options, trying to figure out how to take program prerequisites and study and work and volunteer, and have a life, and try to have a baby, all at once. Made some calls today, wrote an email. Moving along. Too bad the program I'm considering may not be around next year, when I wanted to start. We'll see.
3. Adoption. Thinking about it, talking about it, reading about it. Feeling really excited about it, in a way that I haven't about fertility treatment. Not that anyone's excited about that. Once I figure out my school/work situation, that may be where we head next.

Assuming the Clomid doesn't work, which is what I am assuming. I don't know why I'm so pessimistic about it-maybe because we've been trying for so long, I'm used to No for an answer. So many of my ideas are of the "wait and see" variety. And oh man, I hate waiting.