6 dpo

I have a cold. Gallavanting with the chilruns all weekend will do that. So, a slightly raised temp, sore throat and cough, and general run-downedness. I could search these symptoms for some kind of relation to pregnancy, but I'm only 6 dpo, and that's still be too early for anything. Just a cold, then.

I checked out a friend's blog about her pregnancy today. She's made it to 12 weeks and has a sonogram picture showing what is clearly a baby. I'm jealous, not so much of the fact that she's pregnant, but more that she's no longer in the territory that will scare me senseless every day. She is where I would be breathing the first tentative sigh of relief. That is when I would truly begin to enjoy and believe in my pregnancy. A good place to be.

I'm having a good time with my sister. It's making time go faster.

ps I have been having vivid dreams for the last couple of nights. I've read some women say that is a sign of pregnancy, although all those ho's on the message boards is CRAZY. I swear I've seen things like, "My big toe itches, could I be pregnant?" Then again, I'm the one entitling all my posts according to my ovulation date. So. There's THAT.

5 dpo

Still no symptoms, as expected. We just got back from visiting family, and the distraction was very nice. My sister came back with me, so hopefully that will help keep me occupied and off the internets for at least five minutes a day.

Tomorrow, I'll work on budget stuff, clean, go for a walk and watch a movie. Maybe pick up dinner ingredients and cook. Wednesday, I'll begin NaNoWriMo. Watch me write the most craptasticalist novel-like thing in history. But it's a distraction, and a way to get me writing. Whatever it takes, yo.

I ate like absolute shit this weekend. Pizza, wings, fast food-totally unlike me and my stomach is wrecked. Back to the healthy starting now.

2 dpo

And no symptoms to report, of course. Unless you count the symptom of time slowing down to almost absolutely nothing and window internet shopping for diaper bags and crazy expensive yet adorable baby clothes. Then I have symptoms galore.

In an attempt to make time move the way it's supposed to, we're headed out of town for a few days. Going to visit the family and watch my niece's cheerleading competition. I'll report back on Monday or Tuesday.

Peace out.

1 dpo

The two week wait has officially begun. I ovulated, again on CD 28. I guess that's my new normal.

Is there anything more torturous than these two weeks? Sadly, I'm sure there is, but not in my everyday. What I need are distractions. Let's think of some distractions:

1. Long walks.
2. Go to yoga.
3. Read a lot of books.
4. Watch a lot of movies.

It's times like these that I wish I had a job.

Many people list their "symptoms" starting ridiculously at 1 dpo. Not wanting to buck tradition, here are mine: nothing. zero. obviously.

I don't look for symptoms until a realistic implantation date has passed, and even then, I don't expect any. Every credible thing I've read said it takes about 3 weeks after conception to begin having symptoms.

But maybe I'll post something everyday anyway. That should eat up 5 to 10 minutes.

Still waiting

CD27. Continuing with the egg-sex plan until the temp rise, which I think will be tomorrow. It was up a bit today, but not enough to mean I ovulated.

Egg-sex. This is what my world has come to.

I'm excited. I feel like it could really work this time. Like I figured out the problem and found a way around it. I'm sure this cockiness will be rewarded in just the way I hope, as it always is. Ha ha to the ha.

The sadness is that I have to wait at least two weeks to know if I am or not. Those two weeks are crazy. I get crazy-depressed, obsessed. Here's hoping that doesn't happen.

More with the Conceiving Fiasco

Well, we used the egg whites. And I'm a little nervous.

First off, they were tinged yellow. I thought egg whites were clear, but Husband said, nay insisted, that they are always a bit yellow. Also, I didn't think to wash the outside of the egg before cracking it open. Also, I put and egg white up my vagina.

Oh, jesus.

I feel pretty certain that our main problem in trying to get pregnant has been my total lack of fertile cervical mucus. I have none and since it is a major ingredient to the whole baby making enterprise, I decided to substitute.

So I'll either get pregnant or have an infection, or both, or niether. That's what we're looking at over here. Against all reason, I think we'll probably use it again tonight. If we're going to do it, we're going all out.

In other news, I just peeped in on our checking account and saw that we have $34 left until payday, in one week. We are low on groceries. Hm. Dicey. Let's go for it!

Positive for a Go

My OPK is positive. As positive as positive can be. And the husband is at work for about five more hours.

That's ok. There will still be time. I need to get a grip and go about my business, my very important business. Maybe a little work out, a shower. Some lunch, to the coffeeshop for some writing, some reading.

Maybe I'll meditate because I am wigging out.

Waiting and Watching

CD 24 and nothing. Zip. No ovulation, none in sight, according to the four opk's I've already done. So frustrating. I'm trying to be patient and chill about the whole thing, it will happen when it happens. Meanwhile, I'll wait and I'll watch. But dang. I'm going to have a forty something day cycle again.

I'm going to look into our insurance and see if it covers fertility testing and treatment, and if RE's are covered, and where to find one. Will I need a referral? God. I really didn't want this to be complicated. Who does? It should be the simplest of things.

I feel myself sliding into a mentality of infertility. I'm beginning to see myself as infertile. If I add all the months together that we tried, it must be a year total. And now, these endless cycles...

Even with this frustration, this cycle has been so much better than the last. I haven't stressed very much about money, when it was all I thought about last month. It kept me awake, it was all I talked about. Now, I'm like, eh. Whatevs. We're not going on shopping sprees or anything, but I feel far less deprived. It really was about attitude. And this rotation for the husband has been much better than we thought it would be-better hours, he's sleeping more, we're hanging out a lot, doing fun stuff.

I'm being easier on myself, too. If I write something, great. If not, I'll do it tomorrow. And I'm not expecting miracles, sometimes just a poem or a blog post is enough. This month is so not about pressure. Another pregnancy strategy but not completely intentional. You can't force yourself to relax.

This is when religion would come in really handy. Put it all in someone else's hands for a bit, take a breather. I may need to rethink.

CD 16 and counting

It's turned cold. We've plasticked the windows and turned on the heat. And all I can think about is eating, eating, eating.

And getting pregnant. I could be pregnant through the winter. That seems the way it ought to be, keeping the baby warm in big sweaters and in big me. Everything soft and quiet outside, muffled in snow and wind. Toasty and snuggly inside, cooking pots of soup and eating crusty bread.

Again with the eating.

It's Cycle Day 16. I don't think I'm anywhere near ovulating. I really don't know what to expect this time, but I'm hoping not to have another 43 day cycle. That was wearing.

But we have plans this time, with vitamins and quitting caffeine. And using real egg whites, which makes me a little nervous but I have a strong sense that that's been the problem, not having enough cervical fluid. Let's fix that right up.

Long weekend to myself. My husband's working all day today, all night, and most of tomorrow. I see cleaning, groceries, rented dvd's and a Vanity Fair in my future.